I’ve made peace with my lack of directional sense in daily life, but I am still terrified of getting lost in the wilderness. Since my family hikes a lot, and the majority of us have a great “inner compass”, I try not to voice my “Are you sure we’re going the right way” comment repeatedly.
My walk with God can seem a lot like hiking in the great outdoors. God is a great hiking companion and He never gets lost, so that’s a plus!
I still have one little problem though…… me!
I’ll be walking along, keeping pace with God and enjoying the day. I’ll be watching Him for His subtle cues to slow down, or take that side path, or stop for a second. Then at some point I just seem to get cocky and start heading the way I want to go. The trail seems well-marked and it’s nice and bright outside. Running feels exhilarating!
So off I run.
Yeah, bad idea, but what can I say. I’m forgetful.
Of course, I end up getting lost eventually. Different trails start veering off this way and that way. It’s getting dark outside, and now I’m confronted with my fear – I’m lost. I panic. God, where are you? I can’t see you! Why did you leave me? Emotions rush in…doubt, fear, anger. God has deserted me. I want to blame Him for this place I’m in… yet it was me that ran off.
God never leaves any of us, of course, but neither does He always immediately come to our rescue. I’m understanding that more and more (after doing this hundreds of times.) He’d like me to learn to stick with Him all of the time. He’s a good parent, and good parents teach their children to make better choices. I’m amazed He is so patient with me, but He is. He corrects me of course, but He doesn’t punish me or load guilt and shame on me.
It is quite difficult though, to have to stand here and wait, feeling lost and alone. I’m hoping I’ll learn the lesson and stop doing this already! I know He’ll come get me in whatever timing and way will help me learn to trust Him more and stop being foolish.
Instead of throwing a big fit (um, yeah, done that before too….) I think about how I can handle the next urge I have to go my own way, or run ahead or just plain stop paying as much attention to Him. Would note cards and reminders help? Permanent tattoos all over myself? Probably the best bet is just to talk to God about those feelings when they occur and know He’ll help me do better.
All the other ideas I can come up with have too many negative consequences. I wouldn’t want an injury to keep from running. I wouldn’t want to stop exploring with God. He isn’t much for me tethering myself to him since it limits much of what we must do crossing the rough terrain. He’s happy to carry me for stretches but I like walking, so that’s not a permanent solution I’ve asked him tons of times for the map and he always says no – he’s the map.
God chooses the pace and we need to match it. It’s really not that complicated! (That’s why it’s hard not to feel very foolish that I continue to encounter this problem.) He is such a good God. He has so much more grace and patience for us than we do for ourselves. He will help us get where we need to go. I look forward to seeing what adventures we will be having, TOGETHER, side by side.