Relationships can be very complex, can’t they!? Our hope is to be wanted and loved, but it seems even more urgent to be needed. Being needed seals the deal. Now I am not optional and can’t be rejected. I know I have worth, value, and security.
Forced security of this type can easily get off track. Security should be rooted in trust, assurance and faith. Being “needed” sounds great, but what we often do is manipulate people to make ourselves feel better. It sounds terrible and we may be completely unaware we are doing that at times, yet we pick up these tactics from others and find they can work quite well. We do whatever is necessary to feel the most needed, wanted and loved. Unlike God, unconditional love does not come easily to us. I’d wonder if at least half of the time, we are unknowingly using rewards, punishments, threats and even scare tactics to “encourage” others to treat us in a certain way.
This desire to be so needed can really bring out the worst in us! The security we really are looking for comes from God alone. Ironically God does not need you or me! Hearing that bothered me at first. Why? Because I am completely at His mercy and that means I have no “control.” I can’t manipulate God so I feel powerless around Him.
God created us, chose us, wants us and loves us, and THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH! He doesn’t NEED us and that’s fine. He is complete in Himself…Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He promises to always be with His children and never forsake us. He has always kept His word and always will. God does not need us yet it’s a perfectly secure place to be.
Have you ever tried to make God change His mind by throwing a fit? How about holding your breath, refusing to go to work, being terribly grumpy or angry? I know I have, but none of these tactics, or any others, work on God! They usually leave me feeling foolish and can cause me problems and hurt others. But eventually we hopefully learn, we cannot manipulate God. We can speak with Him and share our hearts and feelings. It’s ok to plead with Him. But our fits and rages and attempts to punish or reward Him really do nothing.
God is wise and all-knowing and we eventually need to come to peace that we aren’t going to understand everything He’s doing. He is trustworthy and good and is enough. no matter how good or bad things appear that day.
Perhaps we can even transfer some of that understanding and wisdom to our earthly relationships and simply enjoy wanting and loving others without manipulating them behind the scenes. We can ask God to reveal our motives and help us pinpoint our reactions and choices that could be changed for the better. And don’t worry, He will! I am thankful that our security in our amazing God makes us much more able to deal with the inevitable wounds of those around us. How nice to simplify our relationships and model God’s unconditional love! We can also allow ourselves to be more vocal about our love and appreciation for our friends and family. With God’s constant guidance, we can find all sorts of ways to model His unconditional love in all our relationships, too. Truly, we are blessed to be a blessing!