Why Do I Even Listen to Myself?
It is wonderful that God is always speaking to us through the Bible. We can know Him better – His amazing character, how He deals with us as sinful, needy people. He tells us truth about life, love, purpose and meaning. We are never alone. He is always with us.
Always with us, I wondered as a kid? Always with me?
“How with me is God?”
That’s been my long-time question since I accepted Christ back in middle school. He created everything. He created me. Nothing is impossible for Him. So does He communicate with His children individually, personally? God gives us the Holy Spirit, who is God, Who knows the very thoughts of God (I Corinthian 2:11). Will God, can God, communicate directly to us, then? I’ve heard so many variations of answers to this question.
It’s taken over 30 years, but finally I think I may have come up with the answer that makes the most sense to me, just the tip of a massive iceberg. I will share in hopes of helping even one person in my shoes, desperately longing to hear from God, but feeling unable to. Because, God does care, He did care, and will continue to care. God does speak to us, He did, and he will continue. God speaks to us far more than we’ll ever be able to hear or understand. It is absolutely worth the effort to figure out how to listen and to God because the truth is He really is a constant companion and friend to each of us.
My story begins as a kid finishing a pretty grueling elementary school life. I realized one day,
I really don’t like my thoughts.
I want to do new things, take risks, figure out how to enjoy life, but all I think about is how stupid I am, how much I lack, how I will fail so why try. I feel I am my own worst enemy, constantly condemning myself. I just got sick of it. I knew I was missing out on life and becoming increasingly fearful and withdrawn. So, no more listening to myself I decided. In fact, if possible, I will try to do the opposite of what I think and see what happens. (I am very tempted to go on about the Seinfeld episode in which George does this and finds it wonderfully helpful, but I’ll skip that.)
What I found, like George, is that the approach was wonderfully helpful. A condemning, horrible thought would pop into my head and adios, I pushed it right out, not giving it the time of day. I wished I would have done this sooner! The condemnation was mostly gone and I was feeling braver. What I didn’t get is that it’s not just removing something bad that changes things, but more importantly replacing it with something good. I missed that crucial step.
To be continued….