Deep Water

I stand at the deepest possible place in the water, my toes barely touching the bottom. One millimeter more and I will no longer be in control. It may just be a bit too deep or it could be bottomless – I don’t know. I can’t know. I just have to trust God.
That feeling of being out of control – I avoid that at all costs. Yet, that’s where God tells me I am to live, in the deepest water. That’s where he wants me, trusting him 100%, in his hands completely, to save or to drown – his call.
I know he’s good and I do want to take that step. But how will I breathe? Will it be painful or scary? It’s so unknown. I know well the entire beach up to this spot…each sandbar, dip, seaweedy area, I know it. I’ve walked this beach many years.
I want to try it. God must have a way for me to breathe underwater. Other people are out here and love it. I know he will keep me safe. He protects me. I am valuable to him. 
And when it’s time to be done with this world, I will celebrate. No more pain, struggle, heartache, just perfect peace and joy. God’s presence everywhere, saturating everything and everyone. An inability to sin, no desire to, no need to. My heart completely aligned with God’s – absolutely known and loved, absolutely accepted and cherished.
I stretch out my hand. “Pull me in, Lord,” I say. Take the step, he says. Trust me. Do it of your own accord and will. You take the risk. You commit to it. I’m right here – there’s nothing to fear.

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